Heartstrings
by friendsqueen216
Summary: She is strong, she is steady, she is sure, “Owen, I can’t.”


* * *

**Pairings**: Cristina/Burke, Cristina/Owen, slight Alex/Izzie.**  
Disclaimer**: Grey's is not mine or else Burke and Cristina would still be together.  
**AN**: Okay, so just a random thought, takes place during season 5. I tired my best to keep them in character, hope you enjoy it...without further ado....

Heartstrings.

* * *

He's really unbelievable, really he's unfucking believable. When she finally manages to move on, he just shows up on her doorstep, with a small smile on his face. That half smile that's seduced her so many time. She simply rolls her eyes, and gives him a frown, "What the hell do you want?"

"To talk," He continues with the smiling, it's really getting on her nerves, clearly he doesn't know that he isn't welcome anymore, he is not allowed to come to her apartment, any right he had to that privilege is gone.

Cristina rolled her eyes, "I don't want to talk, I need to get ready for a date." She adds the last part intentionally to hurt him or get him to leave whatever will be better for her.

"You're dating?" He asks in a voice to accusing for her liking, "Why?"

"Hmm, yeah I am dating because as you probably recall **I AM NOT MARRIED.**" She snaps, she really should close the door on him and go get ready for her date with Owen, but she's still glued to the step to see who gets what they want. It's always been a little game with them, and she's not about to be the pissy bitch that closes the door on him, because then she'll lose and Cristina will not lose this game, she's lost too many times, "Why are you here anyway Burke, shouldn't you be accepting rewards without me?"

"You know it's against procedure to give residents credit," Burke points out, "The attending gets the credit, and you know it Cristina."

"I wasn't just any normal resident, Burke," She snarls at him, and looks him over for the first time since he'd been on her doorstep. He looked good, but tired, which had seemingly aged him quite a bit.

"I know Cristina," He mutters, "And that's why I'm here, I made the biggest mistake of my life letting you go, it was so stupid. I was trying to be selfless, but it didn't work out for either of us, it was so stupid Cristina."

"You aren't kidding," She rolls her eyes.

He nods, "I love you Cristina and I never want to be away from you again. I will do anything for you Cristina."

He had reached a level of pathetic that officially made him the loser, but Cristina had reached the same level as she was considering leaving everything in Seattle to move to Chicago with Burke, she glares at him and says quietly yet distinctly, "Go to hell Dr. Burke."

* * *

Cristina's turning thirty, and they're celebrating at Meredith's by getting ridiculously drunk. Owen is sitting next to her squeezing her hand with his. She takes another shot of tequila, she's never been that big a fan of birthday parties, but she's gotten to the point where any opportunity to get drunk is a welcome one. They had all gathered in the room and were opening presents, "Oh good I love getting presents." Cristina slurs and Meredith and Izzie drunkenly giggle along with her. Alex takes a hand and protectively wraps it around Izzie and pulls her near him.

"This one's from Bambi and Little Grey," Cristina slurs pointing to a giant box on the floor, "I'm not even going to pick this up because it's heavy." She gushes as Owen picks up he large box, "What a strong man," She then turns her attention back to the package, and diligently unwraps it and sees the whole entire cardio-thoracic encyclopedia set in the box, "Wow, this is fantastic."

"Yeah? I remember you said that you'd always wanted your own set; I also included some of the Harvard Medical Journals that I've read so you can keep up with me and my photographic memory." Lexie explained, George grinned.

"Oh, mine next!" Meredith screeched in her drunken voice. She handed Cristina her gift which she'd barely bothered to wrap, it was the final diary in her mother's collection, and Cristina was thrilled.

They got through everyone else's presents, Izzie was going to make her a meal, Alex got her a Tivo, and Callie had gotten her a Saks Fifth Ave card. Owen grinned at her, "Here's mine."

Cristina took the bow, and untied it, she unwrapped the small package to reveal a charm bracelet, which she had no idea about, she didn't know what product it was made of, if it was classy or bling like. She could feel Owen's eyes on her, and so instead of showing she knew nothing about jewelry, she called, "Izzie look at this!"

"Wow, three caret gold, that's pretty awesome, and it's shiny." Izzie exclaimed.

Cristina summarized what Izzie said, "Right, three caret gold and it's shiny what more could a girl ask for. Is that it?"

"Actually," Derek said softly, "There's uh…"

"No, Derek, we discussed this earlier and it's nothing," Meredith insisted.

Derek rolled his eyes, "I think she has the right to know, and to see what she got."

"Derek," Meredith warned, but it was too late Derek had handed Cristina the gift, and she could tell from the handwriting who it was. Cristina could handle anything that he threw at her; she wasn't a person who was easily impressed so it wouldn't be difficult to not care about Burke's gift, so she tore open the present to reveal what was inside.

Cristina groaned, "Damn." She whispered and looked at what was sitting in front of her, Burke's lucky cap; he'd gotten her the one gift that she'd care about.

* * *

"It's an ectopic pregnancy, Yang, get her upstairs." Addison muttered, Cristina groaned this was part of the reason she'd stayed away from the vagina crew for most of her residency, but she couldn't escape Addison this time.

"Dr. Yang," The patient yelled, "Please save my baby."

Cristina's heart was breaking for the patient, and she never had that type of reaction to any patient. This was why she couldn't do vagina squad, because she'd get attached to the people who were like her, it was really unfortunate actually. Cristina turned to Addison, "Is there anyway it could be something besides the ectopic pregnancy? Like maybe folic acid?"

Addison shook her head, "Nice try Yang, she's an EP, let's get her up to the OR."

Cristina sighed, "I was reading this article about tumors and pregnancy, and is it possibly a tumor that we could remove, and spare the baby's life?"

"You have a half an hour, Yang." Addison mumbled, and headed off to find Sloan or Alex probably. The patient grinned, "Thank you Dr. Yang. I owe you a million."

"Don't worry about it," Cristina muttered, and began running test after test, she checked the blood, ran a CT scan, did ultrasounds, and took X-rays, all in hope of finding some other alternative, the medicine didn't point to anything, there was absolutely nothing else that was possible, it was definitely EP.

"So Yang, you find anything?" Addison asked her as she came back with her coffee. She seemed genuinely interested in this as Cristina was usually not one to argue on behalf of the patient.

Cristina shook her head, "Nope."

"Okay," Addison sighed, "Bring her up to the OR, I'll meet you there." Addison seems to be disappointed that Cristina couldn't find anything else, or maybe she was disappointed that Cristina had wasted her time.

Cristina walks into the patients room, the young woman looks at her with hopeful eyes, "So Dr. Yang, can you save my baby?"

"I'm very sorry," Cristina started as she watches the hope drain from the woman's face, "We can't save your baby."

The woman sobs the whole way up to the OR.

* * *

This is stupid, she thinks as she gently presses the buttons on the phone. She knows this is stupid, mainly because Cristina Yang doesn't need anyone to comfort her. She doesn't need comfort because she doesn't let anything get to her. So why is she seeking comfort? Because she had one of those cases that remind you of your life, Meredith has them all the time, but Cristina has never experienced anything like that, till now. She remembers leaving the hospital as soon as she was done in surgery, and Owen trying to catch up to her if she wanted dinner, she'd shook her head and said she wasn't up to it tonight. He'd tried to comfort her, but she knew he wouldn't be able to. She'd debated calling Meredith, but she couldn't understand what she meant, she'd be like_ didn't you want to abort it? _The only one she could talk to was Burke, and she knew she shouldn't talk to him, but she needed the comfort, so here she was pressing the final number of Burke's phone number.

"Hello?" He answered groggily. She couldn't say anything at first, it just was so bizarre that he had picked up the phone or that she was calling him, it wasn't supposed to happen, and Cristina didn't know what she could say to justify her reasons for calling him without seeming pathetic, "If you're calling me at two in the morning, the least you could do would be speak."

"It's midnight here," Cristina argued softly. Suddenly it was Burke's time to not know what to say, he was stunned by her voice, he had never in a million years expected this, "Are you going to say something?"

"Cristina," He muttered softly, pronouncing her name like it was the most perfect thing in the world, and she hated him for it, because when he did things like that it made her feel stupid for not saying she was sure.

"Yeah, that's my name," She said sarcastically.

He laughed a little, "What's going on?"

"I had ectopic pregnancy as a case today," Cristina said softly, "And something happened, it was like it was happening to me and I was reliving it. All the woman wanted was to save her baby, and I spent hours running tests trying to find another answer, something that could spare her from losing her baby again. And I…I couldn't."

He didn't know what to say, "Oh Cristina…"

"It's weird, because I shouldn't connect with her," Cristina told him, "I didn't care about the baby's life, I was gonna get it aborted, so why am I trying so hard to save this woman's baby? It just doesn't make sense. I've always been the doctor that says save yourself, then save the baby. And I felt my heart break when I couldn't save her baby. I just, it's not me, I don't do this stuff."

"Cristina, you loved our baby," Burke told her softly. "You did everything for the baby, you wanted to get an abortion because you knew there was no way you could take care of the baby, and then when your body took care of it, you felt guilty."

"Thank you, Burke," Cristina whispered onto the phone.

* * *

She's such an idiot. She's really reminding herself of Izzie, except she's not having an affair with a dead guy. She'll go out with Owen, and he'll stay for awhile, but once he leaves or goes to sleep, she'll dial Burke's number and talk or say nothing depending on if she has something to say, either way she knows he's there because she can hear his steady breathing.

When she gets to work the next day, she goes into Izzie's room where Alex has stationed himself next to her bed, when Izzie first told Alex what was happening, and asked him to run a CT scan, they'd found the tumor. Derek had put Cristina on his service for this one as she was the one least close to Izzie out of the residents. The tumor was so large, that they had to take a little bit out at a time.

"Okay Izzie, are you still having the visions?" Cristina asked her as Alex's pager went off. Alex briefly looked at it.

"Fuck, the interns need me, I'll be right back. Yang fill me in when I get back." Alex ordered and then left.

"So Izzie, are you still seeing Denny?" Cristina asked, and took out the chart.

Izzie shook her head, "I chose Alex and he left. I told him that I wanted Alex on earth, and he left. He's gone." Izzie told her softly, "I chose Alex."

"Wait, what?" Cristina asked, "What do you mean you chose Alex?"

"Before the surgery, I told him that I wanted to wake up with Alex, and he said okay, and then went away." Izzie explained, "I know that I have a tumor, and it's all a symptom, but I felt like for me to be comfortable, I needed to choose, or I was scared I'd have to live in a triangle the rest of my life."

Cristina nodded, _was she reading her mind? _"Have you had any headaches?"

"No, I haven't. I've been okay." Izzie replied, "Part two today?"

"Seems like it," Cristina replied, "I'll run everything by Dr. Shepard, but it seems like you'll have part two done today." She paused, "Do you mind if I let Alex read your chart?"

Izzie shook her head, and then said, "Uh, Cristina?"

Cristina turned around, "Yeah?"

"I got a card from Burke," Izzie told her softly, "I just thought you should know."

"Okay, well then thanks?" Cristina said uncertainly before leaving the room.

* * *

They're out to dinner, and Cristina is trying her hardest to choose Owen, after talking to Izzie, it only seems fair that she chooses Owen like Izzie choose Alex, because Owen's here and he has never hurt her. He's called her beautiful, and he's always tried to be there for her. Once she made her decision, she stopped calling him and she stopped wearing his lucky cap. Of course her decision is only three weeks old, but she's pretty sure she can keep this up, it's not that hard.

Owen grins at her, and then says, "Cristina, you have no idea how much you changed my life. I was afraid of getting close to someone, but you taught me that I could get close to someone without worrying if they'd die or be hurt. I have a lot of friends I could never imagine having, because of you. If it wasn't for you I would be drowning in the memories of war. You saved me from drowning, Cristina, but I have one last favor to ask of you."

"What?" Cristina asks in the kindest voice she can manage.

He digs into his pocket, and she knows what's coming, "Marry me Cristina Yang." Why did he use those words? Those were the same words that Burke used when he asked her two years ago, she remembers it clearly. He handed her the ring, and told her to think about it. And she did, she thought about it, and she handed him the ring back, and said yes. Cristina knew that Owen was different; he'd want her to wear the shiny ring. He also didn't think that she'd need time to think about it, clearly by the fact that he'd taken her out to dinner. He was looking at her, waiting for her response yes or no.

She is strong, she is steady, she is sure, "Owen, I can't." He looks shocked but her answer, and he's giving her the look, the _please explain_, "I guess I owe you an explanation, before you came here, I was dating another guy…"

"Burke," Owen fills in softly, and she knows that he's heard his name around the hospital, and he probably remembers it from her birthday party, "He got you the cap." Owen states.

"Right," She whispers, "And I loved Burke more than I'd ever loved anyone else, and then he left, and I got angry, and tried to forget about him. Then you came along, and he suddenly came back into my life, and I couldn't cut him out." She whispered, "I tried to get rid of him, but I couldn't. I still love him, I care about you too, Owen, but…"

"You love him more," He states sadly.

She nods her head, "You'll find someone who loves you like you deserve, but that's not me. He has my heart, Owen, and I'm really sorry." She got up from the table, and pulled out a fifty dollar bill, "That should cover it, I think."

"Cristina, stay." He says seriously, "Just see dinner through."

"Sorry, I have to get on the next flight to Chicago." She tells him.

* * *

When she gets to Chicago it's six a.m. She calls Izzie to get the address, which Izzie gives to her happily once she tells her the reason why she needs it. He calls Meredith too, because she needs to know what's happening, and its better that she hears it from Cristina than Owen. Now she's in a taxi in Chicago, on her way to Burke's apartment. She hopes he doesn't have a doorman apartment. She hands the taxi driver money, and goes to the sidewalk, walking into the apartment building, she checks the piece of paper she wrote his address on, it's on the third floor, she runs up the steps, until she is standing outside the door that is his, she begins banging on the door, hoping it's loud enough to wake him up. She can hear some cursing as he makes his way to the door, but when he opens the door he stops cursing, and stares at her, he whispers her name delicately as usual, "Cristina."

"Can I come in?" She asks him, he nods, and signals her into the apartment. She notices how similar it is to the apartment that they used to live in, "You're not very creative, huh?" He shrugs, waiting for her to state her purpose, "Owen asked me to marry him." She sees his face scrunch up in hurt, "I said no." She assures him, the relief quickly takes over his face, she says softly, "You know I'm terrible with words."

"I do," He agrees.

She shoots him a small smile, "So my words are kinda gonna suck, because that's how it is, you know? You left me because you didn't want me to change for you, but you never asked me to change for you, well you did, but I wanted to do those things, you just helped me along."

"What are you saying Cristina?" Burke interrupted.

"Let me finish, Burke." Cristina muttered, "You asked me two years ago if I was sure, and I didn't answer you. Well, I have my answer now, and I'm gonna quote you, I'm strong, I'm steady, I'm sure." He looked at her for a second, "Burke, your turn."

Burke said nothing, as he walked closer and closer to her. He wrapped his arms around her, and kissed her fiercely with all the passion they'd both missed the past two years. He pulled away slowly, "You're gonna stay?"

"Do you want me to stay?" Cristina replied.

He laughed, "Is that even a question?"

"Well, I guess I'll work on transferring my residency today." She whispered.

Burke grinned, "You've had a long flight, let me show you the bedroom."

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AN: Thanks, review please (:

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